Parenting is difficult. As a yoga teacher turned “stay at home mom”, I am looking to my yoga teachings to help me navigate the crazy world of parenting. Today I am sharing three practices I have learned through yoga that help me to stay calm and regulated during difficult parenting moments - we are talking toddler meltdowns, babies who won’t sleep - all of it! I find if I am able to regulate my own emotions while managing whatever tough situation parenting has thrown at me that day, I am able to respond to my children that way I want to - with patience and understanding, not snappy or checked out. I have a video linked below where I share all three practices, but if you don’t have time to watch - or maybe you are reading this in the middle of the night while holding a baby and don’t want to wake them up - keep reading to learn more.
Practice #1: Stay in the Present Moment/Mindfulness
What often happens to me when I am experiencing a difficult moment in parenting, is my brain starts producing thoughts that send me further into that stress response. So, for example, one of my babies (I have twins) was awake for a long time in the middle of the night the other night, everytime I would get him settled, he would wake up again. So, as I am holding him I am thinking: “please go to sleep, if you go to sleep right now maybe I’ll get enough sleep to not be too tired tomorrow. I am going to be so tired tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be so much harder when I am tired.” Needless to say, these thoughts were contributing to my stress, and I was worrying about things out of my control and that hadn’t happened yet.
Yoga invites us to remain in the present moment. It encourages us to check in with our thoughts and gently stop the ones that are not helpful. So, when I am able to catch myself future stressing, I am able to be mindful of my thoughts and put a stop to them. Being mindful enough to catch the thoughts is helpful, but be sure to be gentle with yourself and don’t scold yourself for having those thoughts.
The next step is to get back to the present moment. I like to do this by physically rooting myself back into my body (and out of my head). Wiggle your toes, feel the soles of your feet, breathe into the soles of your feet. Be in your body. Scan through the upper body and release those tense areas - shoulders away from ears, jaw unclenched, brow unfurrowed. Feel the tension melt away and stay in the moment with your body. Notice how you feel less stressed already.
Practice #2: Deep Breathing
If you have ever taken a yoga class, you are likely familiar with a deep belly breath. When our body is in the stress response, our breath tends to get shallow and quick. Accessing a deep belly breath and slowing our breath down will help calm our nervous system down. Being aware and focusing on our breath also helps us to stay rooted in the present moment and in our bodies. Here is a simple breathing exercise to try when you are facing those difficult moments and need to stay calm.
Equal Ratio Breathing:
The point of this exercise is to bring the length of your inhale to match the length of your exhale, bringing each breath into an equal ratio. Take your breath in and out through the nose if you can, and do your best to take a count of at least 3 or 4 for the length of each breath. It is sometimes helpful to start by just noticing the length of your inhale and exhale and if one is much longer than the other, decide on a middle ground for your breath count. Try taking 5 equal ratio breaths and notice how you feel.
Practice #3: Mantras
Now that we have paused our negative/future worry thoughts, lets find some more helpful ones to replace them. I am not asking you to find some unnecessarily positive words to repeat to yourself, I am talking about finding a word or phrase that will help you through these moments. I talk about these in the video, but some of my favorite to repeat to myself to help me regulate are:
My baby will sleep eventually (its true)
I can do hard things
I love you (Or I love my child)
They are having a hard time (helpful during a toddler meltdown)
Find something that works for you in situations to help you stay regulated and in the moment - as difficult as it may be. Remember, yoga teaches us that each moment is temporary, this won’t last forever, you can make it through.
I sincerely hope these practices and strategies can help you during the difficult parenting moments we all experience. Please share with me if these are helpful in the comment section below or on the Youtube page.
Namaste!
Yoga practices for difficult parenting situations